


Absolute Tomfoolery

by singasweetrussianlullaby



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: /eventually/, and link will eventually be the hero they deserve, and these were my first instincts, he's also being gross, link making a fool of himself, listen im playing for a second time, other characters will show up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-29 19:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17209391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singasweetrussianlullaby/pseuds/singasweetrussianlullaby
Summary: Link wakes from a long slumber and is destined to save the world... but before he does that he wants to run around like an idiot. For old times sake, I swear.





	1. He awakens

**Author's Note:**

> I bought Breath of the Wild and started it again and my first instinct was to jump off a mountain and run around with no clothes until Link died so I decided to write a fanfiction about it. Will be updated the farther I get into the game, so I have no idea how many chapters or how long this will end up being.
> 
> But thanks for reading !

Lulled from a quiet, restless sleep by the voice of someone familiar, though he could not describe their face or speak their name - he felt, first, the warmth of liquid. Fingers splayed slowly from disuse, brushing the hard surface beneath them, beneath him, before his eyes opened. Where was he? How long had he slept for? A looming, unshakeable feeling of responsibility forced him upright, and he realized the voice had spoken again. Almost as if guiding him as he gripped the sides and stepped onto the cold floor and flung the excess water from the tips of his fingers. It dripped down his back uncomfortably, and his first instinct told him to shake his head like a dog.

“ Link! ” the softness had all but vanished. He perked up, at attention now, and, while sticking a finger in his ear, wandered about the room. “ Honestly… ”

If he could see who this voice belonged to, he imagined she’d have a very disappointed look on her face. 

Rubbing at his sore calf muscles, he felt the need to run. To tumble down a hill, the wind through his hair and sword on his back, calling for a horse named Epona, pulling arrows from a quiver and aiming with terrifying precision. The room offered a sense of safety, but he knew he didn’t belong there. Maybe it kept his sleeping body safe from… something, but that time had passed.

The voice made a passive aggressive remark about the door on the other side of the room. He stopped fantasizing for a moment and turned, eyebrows raising at the sight of a strange structure which held what had to be the most important item in the room. It emitted a faint blue glow. He tried to remember where he’d seen such a thing before, but that, too, eluded his grasp. How annoying. 

Tentatively, he plucked it from it’s resting place and turned it over in his hands. A Sheikah Slate, capable of… opening doors, apparently. Perfect for late night ransacking and pot breaking.

It attached nicely to the belt around his waist and made him feel important. Anticipation built up as he bounded into the next room, kicking eagerly at chests that held a pair of trousers and a shirt. Perhaps he’d save those for another adventurer who happened to slumber for… a very long time, and left them where he’d found them. There was too much to do and not enough time to spend stuffing appendages into clothing.

The voice had grown quiet. He wondered if she was even there at all anymore. A firm shake of the head and he bit back his tongue, watching as the next door slid open to reveal - sunlight? A breeze? The outside world must be very close by and he desperately needed to feel it again.

Without so much as waiting, he slid expertly underneath the gap and somersaulted - another room, but this time with a challenge. A boulder exactly two and a half Link’s tall! Could his atrophied muscles take it? Well.. only one way to find out. A grin touched his features and he took a running leap, fingers pressed firmly against the rock as he felt around for a firm foothold. Hoisting himself up with a series of grunts, feeling himself slip slightly and lose some progress, but he would not let that stop him. 

He sat atop the boulder with a heaving breath, staring longingly at the sun and the grass and the lazy clouds rolling across the sky. Home. This was home. And in his home lay a terrible darkness, swirling, destroying everything in its path to plunge the world into chaos. It stopped him dead in his tracks as he stared at the remains of a castle, the dark, radiating energy enough to bring waves of nausea and anger.

But right now he couldn’t do anything about it. He knew that, and he hated it. Right now he was too weak and would become a casualty should he try and face it head on. Regain strength. Remember what happened. Wield the ---. Save this land and protect its people. That’s his destiny.

As soon as he gains his bearings. Punches a few monsters. Runs like hell. Jumps off a cliff or two screaming the Goddess’s name. Admire the flora and fauna and stuff as much as he can into his shallow pockets for later. Staring with this humongous, orange topped mushroom growing out of the side of a mountain. Several others littered the path towards another castle, and, more interestingly, a man sitting beside a fire. Surely these couldn’t be bad.

He tore it out of the earth and stuffed it into his mouth, savoring the bitter flavor - and realizing all at once just how hungry he really was. One more couldn’t hurt. Two? Why stop there. His trousers sagged as he greedily shoved every single one he could find into them. Stomping up, he knew he wanted to use that fire to give them a roast. The old man grinned as he approached, raising an eyebrow in amusement as the young Hylian crouched in front of the fire with a mushroom in one hand and a discarded tree branch in the other.

“ Ohoh, hungry I see? ”

Link paused, poking at the mushroom as it grew soft and juicy. Would eating this in one bite accurately convey his feelings? 

The old man laughed again. “ So you’re just here to steal my fire and cook your food without offering me a single thing, are you? Tsk, tsk, and here I thought- hey, what are you doing? Where are you going? Bring that back ! ”

Hot, hot, hot, worth it, worth it, worth it.

He sat beside his illegally acquired fire, warming his wet toes and cooking as much food as possible for the long and arduous journey ahead. And Goddess knows he’d need it.


	2. Dumbassery will only get you so far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calamity Ganon might as well just destroy the entirety of Hyrule at this point, if Link doesn't start getting on track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will feature everyone's least favorite enemy - the Guardians ! And my inability to run away from them, even on horseback !

Bokoblins danced around an open flame, licking their lips and stomping their feet in anticipation for the feast before them. Somewhere along the way they caught something big and managed to not only force a sturdy piece of wood through it, but hoist it up to cook. Although he hardly called that cooking - so lost in the thought of how it must taste they’d neglected to turn the meat at all, leaving it charred on one side and raw on the other. Link didn’t move, low to the ground with a shake of his head. Although the execution was mildly impressive at best, these creatures certainly weren’t known for their intelligence.

Or their hearing. He’d come this far with slow, careful movements, but he might of well have launched his attack with a running leap.and crushed their skulls before they even had a chance to eat.

One of them lifted its head, tilting it slightly to the side with a sharp inhale. Link paused again, itching for the first real brawl since his awakening. His grip on the second tree branch tightened slightly, and, hell, who was around to stop him from dual-wielding two and unleashing a flurry? The Goddess herself?

The Bokoblin crept closer, bending at the waist to put its face right in the grass. It must have smelled the Hylian at very least, as far away from any village as they were. 

“ HYAAH ! ” he leapt from the grass, causing the poor creature to stumble backwards in confusion and fright and no doubt alerting the others of his presence. Before it could recover and scurry away to grab its weapon, the hero whacked it upside the head!

A moment passed, and then another. The creature rubbed the sore spot with a grunt. Another whack, and it growled, and the telltale sign that the branch wouldn’t hold out much longer. Regardless, he’d started this battle, and he wouldn’t back down unless - well. It snapped in two, and so did all the others. 

How embarrassing to go through one’s entire arsenal in less than two minutes. And by then, the others were advancing quickly, one lingering behind with a bow drawn and him in its sights. 

So he booked it, up the hill, heart pounding as several chased him and arrows flew over his head and stuck into the ground at his feet. Man were they lousy shots.

His stomach growled loudly as he rested at the base of a tree, the monsters nothing more than dancing, taunting specks on the horizon. He shook his fist in their direction.

\--

At some point, he must have fallen asleep. The world had melted away, becoming swirling and indistinguishable as a voice spoke softly - and then, with sudden clarity, he watched as five faceless heroes discussed something important. A woman with long blond hair held her hands together, addressing them with urgency. Although their words didn’t make any sense, he could tell that something had failed, and, much to her disappointment and alarm, continued to fail.

He felt compelled to help her, to stand at her side with a sword drawn to expel the darkness and bring peace to this land once again. She turned so he could not hear her, wandering off towards the castle, this time intact and bustling, and the four others moved to follow.

But she paused at the base of the steps, and caught him off guard. 

“ What are you waiting for? Come along, Link. ”

She stared right through him, her voice disinterested and dismissive. Only three of the four heroes had turned back, and everything began to stutter.

The Champions. Standing tall, proud, ready. The strongest warriors in Hyrule. He walked among them as the Princess’ protector, much to her dismay. Suddenly, everything simultaneously made more and less sense, and he knew what he must do.

\--

His eyes slid open, staring up at the sky. Several stars twinkled, stark against the darkening sky, but the wind had picked up. A storm had begun to roll in, drenching the countryside with rain and striking towers and trees with lightning. 

He’d barely missed being caught in the middle of it, sitting up and rubbing at his stiff neck. The air had gotten considerably colder and he’d left the worn trousers and shirt in the chest! Curse his poor foresight. 

Extremities had long since lost feeling. His teeth chattered and his entire body shivered - his lower half muddied from tripping several times - but he hadn’t stopped. Dying of pneumonia would have been embarrassing, especially considering how close he was to his destination. The flickering light of a campfire and the shadow of the man who hadn’t moved since the last time he’d come around beckoned him closer. A hand shot out against the side of the cave as he finally came out of the rain.

The man hadn’t seemed to notice, humming as he poked at the fire with a stick. He’d only lifted his head once the young hero sneezed, a rather suspicious look on his face as he moved closer to the fire to prevent another unnecessary theft.  
“ I was beginning to wonder when you’d come back. ” shaking his head, he eyed the young hero, “ my my, you’ve seen better days. Have you come to talk? I don’t think you’d get very far in this weather if you’ve come to take what isn’t yours again. ”

Link nodded, sitting himself down beside the fire to warm his toes.

“ And without pants, too… ” he rubbed his forehead in annoyance. If this was supposedly the sleeping hero who would save them all from an ultimately demise, then Hyrule might as well perish. There wasn’t any time to for much needed discipline. He didn’t have any interest in being a support system, either. Waiting a hundred years by his lonesome self for this kid to come waltzing by whenever he needed anything? 

With a kick of his boot, the fire had been reduced to nothing but smoldering embers. Link blinked several times in confusion, but the old man didn’t waste any time waiting for him to adjust.

“ Now then… allow me to tell my tale... ”


End file.
